Blood vs. Water: A route to survival

One common quarantine experience was the unavoidable binge watching. As a film studies minor, I didn't mind the extra time to sit in front of the TV and consume media. But as a lifelong content creator, consuming media makes me want to create my own.

I started with Tiger King just like everyone else. That one filled one day of time, and gave my friends and me lively conversations for weeks, inspiration for photoshoots, and memes for months.

Aside from watching Carole Baskin's expose, my other first binge was Survivor. Surprisingly, I've never seen a season before.

I have always watched reality TV with a unique lens. Maybe most of it is a waste of time, and it is made for pure entertainment, but I over analyze and try to find the positive value in all media. Why was it created? Who is the key audience? What emotion is this show trying to provoke?

Reality TV is all about emotional manipulation. I am fascinated by this, because I find it very parallel to my studies at GWU in political communication. Both rely on telling one frame of a story, and giving it to the audience for them to judge and analyze. Whether producers or politicians are manipulating emotions, each has a unique power. That power needs to be discussed because we have seen its effect in the digital information age amplified by the global pandemic.

I also watch reality TV, because as a lifelong athlete, I want to compete in some of the competitions I observe. Not because I want to win, or because I want money, but because I am curious as a political communication major what it would be like to experience that manipulation and perform under the pressure of a camera. It would be a test of my own skills and empathy for power dynamics.

Survivor caught my attention because when I first watched it I said, I could NEVER do this. I'd never seen a reality TV show that I might want to do, but felt that I physically could never survive. However, I quickly began to love the character development and strategic manipulation of the 24 hour isolated game play when you remove the confines of modern society and place humans alone in nature to compete... even if they have a camera crew. Where else can you get that kind of test of human willpower?

I was hooked and I think I binged about 20 seasons, leading up to Winners at War. My favorite characters had to be Parvati, Michelle, Denise, and Sophie. Powerful, strong women whose strength came from their minds, not their athletic skill or appearance. (Not to say you can't have all three because they all do, but I was attracted to them because of their brain power).

Parallel places in real life that emulate the challenges in survivor might be challenging activities that test this will power like skydiving, rock climbing, running a marathon, running for office. Oh, or like swimming. Things that get your adrenaline going and the wheels in your brain turning.

Swimming was like survivor, but nonstop for 15 years of my life.

There was always another checkpoint, another meet, another goal, another time to hit, another qualifying standard.

Once you hit a major goal, you certainly deserved celebration for a night, but then in the morning it was back to business. For example, if you made a national cut at your last chance meet, then yes, you achieved your goal. However, you needed to get back to intense training immediately if you wanted to recover and be ready to compete in peak condition in 3 weeks.

It was a constant rollercoaster of wins and losses, but mostly losses. When you train 6 days a week for 3-4 hours per day with only a few days off for holidays, and one week in the summer, that is a lot of time for failure.

Failing daily at practice wasn't all that bad. If you failed daily, it meant you were more likely to succeed on a public stage with more accountability at meets when it mattered. Failure means growth.

Every time you complete something you thought was unbearable, it is almost like you become a new person. You are now a person who can bear that thing you told yourself you never could.

When quarantine began, I immediately worried about how I would make it for months without access to the routine I was used to. As a very active and extroverted person whose career and passions center around performing in front of crowds, and shooting live events, I was worried.

I had just secured my dream job with Disney in video production, but only after a hard 6 months getting the proper medications to handle my mental health. I had already spent months in isolation by choice. Now that I'd spent time investing in myself and securing the position I dreamed of my whole life, I was ready to enjoy the last months of college soaking in DC and savoring last moments with my college community.

Instead, I ended up playing a game of survivor in real life. The timeline of my route is as follows:

MARCH

I spent about a week depressed and crying after my Alternative Break trip to Utah was cancelled, so I went on a spring break road trip through the South instead. We did our best to stay isolated and follow the regulations existing at the time. However, we all needed this trip to cope with the loss of our graduation, our future, our planned path.... or so we all thought in that present moment.

My last night out was at a Gatsby themed Theta crush party. Between my friends Shanna, Stef, and Elisabeth, I felt like I was always crashing their parties. However, they always gave me a plus 1 because they knew being from the south, I loved the sorority lifestyle, I just didn't have the time or money to actually invest in one at GWU. At the time, I didn't know it would be my last event out at a bar in DC in college. Thank goodness it was Gatsby- my favorite book ever since I picked it up.

APRIL

Not much happened this month. I was busy with school, taking some freelance design work, and trying to finish up my schoolwork early so that I could finally relax and enjoy time with my friends. We were finding our quarantine groove, getting used to our new reality, but also still equally stressed about the uncertainty of the present and future situations. We knew Trump's Easter end date prediction was fake news.

We began to have a lot of hard talks about boundaries. Is going on a socially distanced walk to Georgetown okay? Can someone's brother come visit? Should we walk to get food, or do we need to always use Uber Eats... because I can't afford to always use Uber Eats.

These were hard talks, but setting boundaries prepared us to feel safe in our new reality and make life as normal as possible via zoom and digital technology.

The highlight of this month was receiving the Hoberman Prize from SMPA because my journalism displayed depth, originality, and connection to local and global communities. I didn't even apply to this award, so the recognition and monetary prize came as a surprise to me. However, I needed this confidence boost since I'd been feeling discouraged about my opportunities in videography with the pandemic. I was able to invest the award into camera gear I'd been saving for. Little did I know how important this would be down the road...

We also watched a lot of survivor.

MAY

Quarantine squad graduates!!! We watched our graduation in our apartments together, decorated, drank, and celebrated our accomplishments. On the Sunday we were supposed to go to the mall for our commencement originally, we went and did a photoshoot at the monuments. I wasn't leaving DC without my grad pics.

Some of our caps and gowns did not ship in time, but of course we shared.

My parents came up to celebrate graduation and move me home to Tennessee. Everything was closed, so just about all we could do was sit on the roof and talk, and walk the monuments for a few final times. This was simple but delightful. I wasn't surrounded by 1000s of people, but rather the few who mattered most. Not having thousands of people around didn't make my accomplishments any less valid. I will always cherish that night eating sushi and drinking whiskey at Winston House on L street. That rooftop always had the best sunsets.

The plan was to wait and see if Disney would reopen anytime soon. The recruiters said to keep in touch, and hopefully we'd know something by August. I had high hopes!

JUNE

I was home in Tennessee. My family moved back to Nashville, and although I was born there, I grew up in Knoxville. I got to escape to a lake house with Natalie and her friends. It was so good to finally have time time alone to catch up, because throughout college we'd only been able to see each other a few days a year. I appreciated being home and close to my childhood best friend.

I earned a collaboration with Adobe this month to advertise their editing software. I got to use my photos from the lake in North Carolina for the partnership. I'd used Adobe software every day in college, so I was glad they viewed my content with credibility. Certainly a brand I am happy to get behind!

My brother's birthday is June 19, and I randomly suggested we go skydiving, he said okay, so we did.

Surprisingly, I wasn't really scared at all. I tried to think about how unique the perspective I was about to experience was, and appreciate each second soaring above Earth.

I had a safe flight, but I was freaked out after hearing one of the guides yell at another after landing saying that his parachute wouldn't open, and he was almost certain he was about to die...

YOLO i guess? I did love the adrenaline rush and definitely see myself becoming a serial skydiver if I so choose to....

It was weird being back in the South after so long away. I felt the judgement from my peers in DC because they were seeing my instagram posts and saying I wasn't being safe.

In reality, I hardly left the house. I saw my family and grandma weekly, and really only Natalie because I had no friends in Tennessee at this point.... I'd been gone for 4 years and did not stay in close contact with anyone.

The judgement felt was hard, but I knew I was doing my best to stay safe, while still have some activity socially distanced daily to protect the healthy state of mind I'd worked so hard for.

JULY

I was getting bored in Tennessee, so I decided to go up North to quarantine with my old roommate Sabrina, and our other quarantine squad member Sara.

DC on the fourth of July was hard. My friends judged me because I was from Tennessee, and they assumed I was not being safe.

We had long arguments about boundaries, covid regulations, global impacts, racial injustice, what we could've done better, what we should be doing better, etc.

It was just a bunch of woulda coulda shoulda. However, I did not hear people in my friend group discussing the actions we could take in the present moment to do better and unite the country. They just wanted to argue.

As a political communication major, it felt sad to me that we were not moving toward compromise, but only furthering polarization.

I was angry I had to justify myself to my friends because I was from Tennessee. Just because I moved home, doesn't mean I wasn't respecting the boundaries we set at the start of the pandemic. It was insulting to my character.

I was frustrated because I hated watching my friends punish themselves for months without taking tangible action toward the end goal. They just wanted to argue and complain I felt, and we were talking in circles.

I did play devil's advocate and call them out on some of their arguments that might not make sense to the average American.

For example, if someone has been battling cancer, and they also get COVID, was death caused by only covid, or were they dying from a combination of underlying conditions, and then COVID-19? My friends claimed just COVID. This was not linear to me based on science. The science my business network of journalists, media lawyers, and partners claims for populations with underlying conditions, the cause of death includes being at risk because of an underlying condition, contracting the disease, then dying of COVID-19. The credible research I have read distinguishes deaths for victims with underlying conditions, versus deaths for victims who did not have underlying conditions. According to the CDC, 94 percent of COVID deaths reported underlying conditions. They died from COVID, but were at risk because of another medical condition. This is an overwhelming number, and it is unfair that the disease effected at risk populations disproportionately, and we could not find some solution in time to prevent death.

The research on this disease is changing daily as we learn more about its effects each day, and I do my best to keep up with the latest reported science. Sometimes I get it wrong, but I was frustrated that my friends were not hearing me out on this point that I learned from direct conversations with lead doctors in the US, and could back up with scientific studies from the CDC. They were not able to provide me with sources other than their opinions.

I also tried to explain how the average death rate was higher than the normal death rate, and that it is transmitting slower than most scientists originally thought to calm their fears, but it did not. My goal in bringing up these points was to explain that when media reports statistics, and then the reality is much less extreme, people lose trust in the media. The South needs a different response to coronavirus potentially because it is a different place- people are not packed in, there are rural areas, it is a different but equally valid way of life. They said they didn't care. Justification included that someone who couldn't rationalize climate change is not worth their time.

Well I disagree. Everyone is a constituent who deserves to feel heard by our government. Problems come when people don't feel heard. I was concerned that my friends with jobs at the DNC and other government organizations took this approach to their new careers. I was not judging, just observing that this did not align with effective communication strategy I learned at GWU.

Bottom line, their paranoia about being spotted with someone from Tennessee and losing their job rubbed off on me, but at the same time, I felt this was unrealistic and not something to be paranoid about... People were busy dealing with their own pandemic problems.

I also had my first viral Tik Tok. Topic, DC statehood? Suitable. I was surprised that my first viral Tik Tok was political content, but it makes sense because my major was political communication.

Despite the arguing, I was happy to be back in DC with my friends. We could always talk politics and let it go, separating it from our friendship and realizing there was value to different views... at least most of my friends. Most have realized my long term goals, while others just gaslight me. Those who gaslight rather than compromise and hear me out, I no longer have mental energy to deal with. I felt so unheard in my swim team environment, and the way some people speak to me in politics triggers that construct of being unheard and inferior.

After DC, I drove up to see Sabrina's hometown in New Jersey and quarantine before a week at Ocean City with her family. I hadn't been on a beach vacation that wasn't a swimming training trip in 4 years, so I greatly appreciated the trip.

We slept late, walked on the beach, boogie boarded, got great new jersey snacks on the board walk, and caught up.

Before this trip, I told myself if I didn't go viral on the trip, I was going to move on from Tik Tok. It was fun for me since I loved video my whole life, and I genuinely was having fun making political content.

Well... It happened. I made a video joking about my dad sending me off to college as a republican and coming home a radicalized liberal to defeat trump using Tik Tok (I am not radical, I am a moderate, this was a joke, and I only had 100 followers at the time I posted it). The video got 600k views. Goal achieved.

I was also feeling confident in my body for the first time in a while. I embraced my curves and wore a bikini for the first time in 2 years. My friends wouldn't judge me, so why should I judge myself? It was the first time I'd had a new location to shoot photo in, and shooting waves and beach sunsets are some of my favorite locations ALWAYS.

Funny how my audience was growing linearly as I began to fall in love with myself and my life for the first time.

On the way home, I took a pit stop at Sara's lake house in Ohio. Another great photo spot. I started to notice a pattern that my photos in COVID certainly couldn't focus on people because of social distancing, so I started to try to emphasize natural beauty instead.

I usually don't wear makeup in my photos or Tik Toks because I feel best that way. However, people didn't believe that I wasn't wearing makeup because I looked so different than I did most of college. What they were seeing was me feeling healthy and taking care of my body and mind for the first time. Inner beauty and self love reflected on the outside. (I love makeup I'm usually just too busy or lazy to put it on... did not really work well with the swimmer life)

I got very into yoga when I was home alone in Tennessee. For the first time, I felt like I was able to do yoga correctly and actually live in the present moment. Meditation had always made me uncomfortable before because I would just think about all the problems I had to fix and things on my to-do list instead of focusing on the world in front of me.

Lars got to come visit me in Tennessee, and we found a beautiful waterfall hidden in the middle of nowhere Tennessee. We didn't even bother to google pictures beforehand, we just wanted a hike with a waterfall, and we ended up finding a great photo spot right in my backyard.

AUGUST

I got to shoot my first wedding for Connor and Devon, cousins of Lars. It was a small wedding in Michigan with all handmade country chic decor. I'd always dreamed of doing wedding videography in high school, but I never thought it would be possible. Another dream achieved, and I had only graduated a few months ago. I could pursue a career in wedding video tangibly since I owned my own gear now. As one door closed, so many new ones unlocked.

I'm honored the first wedding I could do was for a close family friend. I was honestly surprised with the quality of my footage. I had new gear, but nonetheless, I underestimated myself. However, I have been waiting to book weddings until about April of next year, acknowledging flexibility with the vaccine distribution. Safety is my priority.

Lars and I pictured at the wedding.

We were glowing, but I think that was because of all the love around us.

I started 2020 in Chicago in January depressed and scared to travel. I could tell I was so mentally unwell because for that first trip, simple things like packing a suitcase were overwhelming me. Why? Because the paranoia and PTSD was controlling my life and I hadn't yet found proper medication and healthcare to control the effects.

For this trip, I drove up alone and saw his new apartment he shared with his two best friends from the University of Tennessee. We played Secret Hitler, made Tik Toks, and explored the city outside and socially distanced. I had never seen Chicago in the summer, and I absolutely loved the waterfront! The beaches were closed for public safety concerns, but we still got to hop in and swim a little bit. I was feeling right at home in Chicago.

Nicholas, Trenton, and I were sharing our marketing/ communication strategy, when suddenly I got some unsettling news. GWU was going to hire Heather Swain, someone who was involved in the cover up for the gymnastics situation at MSU.

This triggered my PTSD, and I immediately felt unsafe and extremely worried for the safety of my athletic peers at GWU. Of all the qualified candidates, how could they pick her? How could they make such a decision with all of the negative press the current university president was already getting.

I had already been preparing to tell my college swimming story in a long form YouTube video, and once this news broke, I knew the time was now. Attention was on my issue area, and I felt it was vital to speak up because the administration at GWU's athletic department were the only people who had my back when my coaches and team mates didn't listen. Once I told the right person at GWU, they helped fund my doctor's visits.

However, after about a year of effort in therapy, it became clear my personal trauma was so intertwined with swimming, I wasn't going to be able to heal in the environment that damaged me. Quitting was a decision my team did not understand in the moment, but I felt it was important for my own closure and to foster growth across my direct teammates by sharing the effect they had on me.

I am happy to report that GWU did not hire Heather Swain. It was not just because of my video, but because of countless politically active students speaking up and saying we are not comfortable with this. It felt good to be heard by my community. I hope GWU will learn from this poor hiring decision.

I chose to post the video the day before I was going to Seattle to visit my Aunt. I knew I would be in a safe place with family and nature where it was easy to isolate and turn my phone off if the response was negative. I knew putting the video up subjected me to victim blaming and slut shaming. However, I was ready to take that heat to protect others for the first time. The hate never came, I am happy to report. People instead said it was the most well-spoken video I've ever made.

I don't get to see my Aunt often because she lives a busy life in Seattle as a public defender. I was so grateful to be surrounded by her wisdom as a lifetime lawyer and successful female. She was able to help me process the PTSD and effects my swim coach had on me.

It was my first time visiting Olympic National Park, and I felt so safe surrounded by the wilderness. We went on an 8 mile hike that was so so so tough, but the view at the top just filled me with awe. Oddly, animals kept following me on the hike. A bee was always circling my head (and never my aunt) for the entire 6 hour hike... This was annoying at first but finally I accepted he wouldn't sting me. A baby deer almost ran me off the trail at one point, and then we saw another baby deer hiding in the brush and he walked next to me beside the trail for about 30 minutes... so peaceful (PSA: DO NOT PET WILD ANIMALS IN NATIONAL PARKS)

We also got to drive through Forks and see the Hoh rainforest, the site of many Twilight scenes. Teenage Alli was fulfilled.

Needless to say, I felt right at home in this liberal city too. I like poking the bear on Tik Tok and this one was fun to poke in real life.

SEPTEMBER

In September, I was slowing down and staying grounded with the nature around me and family. I kept Tik Toking, and was acquiring more brand deals that aligned with my values.

We got to visit my cousin at the Kentucky Horse farm and enjoy a nice girls weekend exploring the grounds. Horses are certainly wise animals, and I always wished I'd been able to ride them growing up like my cousin Melissa. She is an elementary school teacher now, and her wisdom is so valuable to me.

I also went on a hike with one of my best friends Veronica from middle school. It is amazing how far we have come since West Valley, also known by locals at Death Valley. She is working for the Tennessee Department of Transportation now, and I am so proud of her.

I went to Utah on a girls trip with my mom and her best friend. Christie and her daughter Brenna have been lifelong friends. We used to carpool to swim practice in Nashville, and our mom's have stayed best friends since then.

The highlights of the trip were visiting Sundance, Arches National Park, and getting to ride horses through the mountains. The vast landscape was breathtaking and sparked so many creative ideas for film and photography. While we were at Sundance, I had my first idea for a swimming documentary focused on my experience balancing bipolar disorder and the rigorous lifestyle of an athlete. That film is now in the works, and fortunately, I don't think I will have to sign away rights to my content. That is very important to me because of the sensitive nature of topics discussed. My mental health journey is not only mine, but my team mates. These topics can be very triggering for many, and I am glad they trust me to do their stories justice. They would not be willing to speak publicly if they had to turn over their story to the media. I never imagined my story would have this effect of empowering my community... but it is therapeutic for me to tell it, so I understand others might want this outlet as well.

My final stop for September was Philadelphia. I had been considering moving here for a couple reasons. My best friend Sabrina lived here with our close friend Ben, as they are attending Penn for graduate school. Sabrina and I have always talked about starting a podcast together because our energy brings dual perspectives and life experiences. Even after our worst fights, we can acknowledge we are just trying to foster growth in the other person and we will always work it out. We do vibe hard together if I do say so myself, and she even had a boy break up with her partially because we "vibed too hard." Intellectual women are intimidating, I get it. Most of my clients are in DC or New York, but Philly is right in the middle and MUCH more affordable, so I went to visit and check it out.

As a history nerd, I immediately fell in love with the city of brotherly love.

I also really wanted to be close to Sabrina because she also makes Tik Toks, and she was the person pushing me to start making my own at the beginning of the pandemic. She grounds me, and I feel I make some of my best content when I run my ideas by her. I am forever grateful that the GWU random room assignments paired us up.

OCTOBER

I was saving up for the move to Philadelphia and having fun creating content in the comfort of my home in Tennessee. This masked photoshoot was one of my favorite. They're only selfies, but I have never seen my eyes shine like that.

I continued to have fun dressing up and shooting content alone. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and Tik Tok gives me an excuse to make it Halloween any day of the week.

I kept pushing the blue narrative on Tik Tok with the election nearing. I knew it was unlikely Tennessee would flip blue, but I had fun persuading people to vote for a Democrat for the first time. So many people reached out and told me how I influenced their vote and it warmed my heart. How could this silly social media platform everyone was talking about have that effect?

I wasn't the only one who noticed the power of the app, and many other political activists took to the platform to bring light to certain issue areas.

My most viral Tik Toks were always political, related to survivor/victim advocacy, or just my swimming story generally. I was developing my niches, and it just so happened the algorithm was picking up the content I was proudest of.

My senior thesis even went viral. I could never have imagined such a thing back in December when I was struggling more than ever to analyze Disney's entertainment content through a political lens. However, since so many people love Disney, I suppose it does make sense it went viral.

NOVEMBER

November was a hard month, but it led to extreme growth. I was having normal anxiety and paranoia like I do every winter, but this year was different. I knew the people to lean on for support, and I was taking care of myself by seeing doctors, eating regularly, and exercising.

The election was one of the most exciting but hardest parts of the year for me. I had been following the election cycle rigorously via social media and traditional news sources. My audience felt I truly had a unique perspective attending school in DC, and returning to my Tennessee roots. My community valued and heard me again now that I had credibility in the form of a degree.

I was ecstatic that Biden won. However, I was not proud of how I saw the aftermath play out in the real world, on social media, and across my friend group from a political communication perspective.

On the day of the election, my friend from the DNC asked me to come down and work the polls. I was happy to do this, and wanted to be in DC for the election obviously. I did this as a favor to him, but I felt internally it was kind of silly to be leaving Philly since this was a swing state. I was watching for Voter Fraud, and I think the work would have been more interesting in Philadelphia obviously as opposed to the most blue city in the country. However, just graduating from college in DC, I was happy to support the community that molded my political views.

When I showed up in DC, I thought I'd be seeing my two friends who asked me to come down. They said they got called to Delaware for business, understandable! However, when I showed up to my poll location they thanked me for covering for my friend. I learned they were going to Biden's celebration that night, which was why I needed to cover for her. I am so happy they got to attend that event, I just wished she had been honest with me since I came to DC to watch the election in their company.

The next day when I called to meet up before I headed to Philly, the judgment began. When I asked to come over there was a deadly awkward silence... Then the questions began. Did you wear your mask? Where have you been? Are you safe?

The only place I went was the place they told me to go. I did the job they assigned to me and was made to feel inferior with their words. Of course I wore my mask to work the polls. What about me would communicate that I wouldn't?? In my eyes it was riskier for me to be seeing them since they'd been at a celebration with many more people than I was the night before. I just didn't get the concern, and they were not articulating it to me or backing it up with scientific evidence. I was still following the boundaries we set in March.

I tried to pour my frustration into art and exercise and move away from politics because I had political fatigue after the election.

I made some Tik Toks on my feelings after the election that my friends from DC did not like.

After the election, people took to the streets to celebrate. This was alarming to me because all quarantine the Democrats had preached no gatherings with more than 10 people. Even with masks on, people were taking them off for photos and to drink alcohol. The transmission rate was surely lower than Republican events, but I still felt this was putting the marginalized communities the Democrats depended on to win at risk. And we hadn't even passed any policy or put Biden into office yet... the results were not certified... the media just said they were.

My most loyal social media followers are moderate. I identify as moderate myself. People who voted blue for the first time reached out to me regretting their vote.

This broke my heart, but they noticed the hypocrisy just as I did. I understand how significant electing Biden was for marginalized communities after decades of systematic oppression and 4 years of negativity stemming from the highest office in the nation, but why couldn't we wait to have large celebrations until the vaccine was out and it was safer.

I was genuinely confused. I felt like a sheep. However, I voted based on my morals and stand by my vote for Biden. These "controversial" Tik Toks where I take a hard stance are the ones that get me jobs with high paying clients. Why? Because they understand communication theory and appreciate the fact that I will stand up for my morals when I see people not practicing what they preach.

I did not conform to the judgement many of my Democratic friends placed on me because of my posts. I took their feedback, but didn't let it effect me personally because I was the only one of them boots on the ground in Tennessee listening to constituents and sharing that feedback. My goal was to give a voice to the voiceless, and I feel like I did that during the 2020 election.

I obviously made mistakes along the way, but I am willing to own up to them and self reflect. I don't take myself seriously on social media, but now that I have more followers I need to change that frame in my mind. It is just a new thing for so many people to be actively listening to me, and I'm getting used to it.

Ended the month home for Thanksgiving and grounded with family.

DECEMBER

Most of December was spent at home slowing down with friends and family. I needed to take things slow to figure out the direction I wanted to go since so many new doors had become unlocked with my social media network.

The most important thing I did was open up to my direct network, mainly my parents, about my PTSD. I felt I was finally processing my triggers with a clear mind, and being able to articulate the things that made me happy and sad for the first time. Bipolar Disorder and PTSD are hard to understand, but I have realized how much my friends and family care about me and will support me.

Once I felt secure in my mental health and in myself, I decided that the issue areas I want to focus on in 2021 are all related to swimming advocacy and reforming this sport's culture at a national level. Changing GWU can only do so much, but since posting my first video, athletes from swim team of all ages across the country have come to me for advice and guidance. I could not feel more honored that they choose to trust me with their story.

Big stories coming this year. Time to rise up.

Synthesis on Surviving

I'm used to performing in front of a large audience, but focusing on myself and blocking out the noise to focus on the goal ahead me.

However, it doesn't matter if the whole crowd is cheering for me, I only focus on the opinions and views of the people closest to me. Why? They are the ones who influence and control my actions in day to day life. If my friends are in pain, I feel their pain. If they are proud, I feel the pride too. Similarly, I hope they view my achievements as wins for them too, because I know deep down that I could not have made it to each check mark without them. Now that I have the words to explain my story, I've been trying to verbalize to the people who impacted me how massive their impact was.

I am the one with the public platform, but I would be nothing without the teams and people behind me. In my eyes, it feels like I am telling their story, not my own.

To the people who influence my reality, you know who you are, and you know by now I am much better at articulating your worth in person rather than online. A social media platform can't even begin to do those relationships and plot lines justice. However, you can see them pictured in all of my stories.

As a visual learner, my Instagram is my timeline. It marks the people and places who made me, and I curated it carefully to reflect the happiest moments in my life, so that when I was sad I could go back and remember all of the joy and pretend to feel exactly how I felt in each photo. Art using a camera lens has always been my greatest passion, coping mechanism, and storytelling device.

Inspiration

The female influencers I followed who personally "influenced" me with their Instagram content were Taylor Swift, Whitney Cummings, Dove Cameron, Miley Cyrus, Jameela Jamil, Tayshia Adams, and Hannah Brown.

Why did I let them influence me? They all used their Instagram to talk about social justice issues affecting their direct communities during the pandemic. Not only did they talk about the issues, but their content had a tangible effect on those communities they talked about because they pushed people to take action in real life. Talking about someone gives you power. Their style of social media communication and control over their narrative kept attention on each influencer's platform for an extended period of time. I feel they had more transparency than many other celebrities, and bridged the gap between entertainment and politics. Entertainment media and politics are now so intertwined, and I felt these women portrayed that transition with grace.